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From the Magazine

Beyond the Big Day: Advice from a Local Wedding Officiant

Planning is important, but remember that your wedding is only one day while your relationship will last a lifetime.

ERIN MCGINN PHOTOGRAPHY

You’re getting married! It’s real. It’s coming. There’s a wedding to plan and visions to bring to life and so much to do: decorations to choose, invites to design, venues, music, photographs, menus, details and details and details! Take a long, deep breath. Now ask yourself: What’s important?

“When I work with engaged couples,” says wedding officiant Erin Goodman, “we spend as much time talking about their relationship as we do talking about the details of the wedding day.”

Wedding planning is stressful, Goodman realizes, and many couples feel torn between planning the ceremony and thinking about the marriage that the ceremony represents. As the big day approaches, she encourages couples to turn their minds off planning and toward the meaning of marriage.

“We talk about things like how they handle conflict, what they learned about marriage as children and where they will turn for support during challenging times,” says Goodman. These counseling sessions help ease the wedding stress.

“I also encourage my couples to step back from wedding planning and go on dates. I think this really helps them to keep things in perspective.”

As momentous as your wedding day feels, remember that it only signifies one step forward in 
a relationship that will need many 
patient, persistent steps in the next few years and beyond. The big day, as it’s called, is only the beginning.

Few beginnings come without bumps. Goodman mentions a feeling called “post-wedding blues,” where couples report feeling underwhelmed and unhappy after the honeymoon. It can be disorienting to realize that the big event you’ve planned for months has finally passed.

Feeling this way is perfectly normal, she says, and couples should be gentle with themselves. “Little things like getting a massage, attending a yoga class or taking a walk on the beach can be very comforting during the post-wedding transition time.”

So what should you do when wedding day details start getting the best of you? Take deep breaths, take a long walk and take it easy. You’re getting married; that other stuff 
won’t last. —CISSY YU

 

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